Friday, April 21, 2006

da vinci badaboom

i love 'da vinci code' by dan brown. absolutely love it. it's a great piece of writing. adore 'angels and demons' too. another great piece of work. not much can be said of his 2 other novels though. quite yucky.

most of us would have read, or at least heard of the 'da vinci code'. loads of christians are jumping on the bandwagon of the big hoo ha debunking the work of dan brown.

take a walk into a bookshop. is the book in the history or religious section? or is it in the FICTION area?

why are the load of you so-called sanctimonious bastards so quick to point fingers and accuse a piece of FICTION as being sacrilegious? can a some words on paper bound in a book known as FICTION shake a belief of thousands of years? will the world be that stupid and hail 'da vinci code' as the new Bible?

is your faith so weak that the fictional words of one mere man is enough to send you running around defending your own religious beliefs?

get a grip and manage your own actual belief in the Lord. Going to church and putting the biggest amount in the donation plate, and singing the loudest, and praying at the pews with your eyes closed the tightest DOES NOT gain you automatic entrance into heaven. and all you supposed leaders out there. since when did politics come into play in the House of GOD? is your calling to teach us all about the good of mankind or is it to collect the most money and build the biggest cathedral or hall or to be the most powerful amongst the men of cloth?

greed. pride. envy. these are among the 7 deadly sins.

a person's religious beliefs is between him and God. no one else comes in between. not you, not me, and certainly not dan brown.

oh, did i tell you that i was brought up a christian? i'll say a prayer all of you self righteous fools out there. you need it.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

my computing hours

i've been sitting in front of my computer for hours. going through my flickr site, reading blogs, emailing, some googling, some writing, some photoshopping, etc, etc, etc.

so many thoughts are running thru my head as i surf the net. my own little contribution to the web-sphere seems so minute. i don't really care about that actually, i just do what i do and that's it.

do i have nothing else better to do? nope. not at the moment. no projects, no cleaning, no cooking, no tv, no reading, no nothing. just sit and stare and type and click.

as i sit here, i look around. my mac is nice and white. just cleaned it a couple of days back. no smudges, no black fingerprints, no dust. YaY!

my back is aching due to my poor posture.

my hubsterman just called and asked if i wanted to go with him to pick up his funky new specs. nope.

the world wide web takes me away from my own dreary life. for that moment i'm in somebody else's life. i read their writings, their reviews, their research, their input. i see thru their eyes in their photographs. i see their sense of colours in their art. sometimes i even feel like a voyeur, when they post their innermost thoughts and feelings. i'd imagine what their lives are like. but do i wanna be them? nah, i make up my own fantasies.

i do most of my projects on the computer. on the net and otherwise. the world of communication has become so advanced that i can email and post and send my stuff all on the net, and seconds later, someone on the other side of this earth is looking at it. i tell you, the net is meant for people with writing deadlines.

do i spend loads of hours on the net? not really. do i spend loads of hours on the computer? sometimes. especially when i'm on a project.

i'm signing off now. got to do other stuff on the computer.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

lazy sunday

today my hubsterman and i are able to catch some 'home' time just lazing around and chillin'. we barely get any of those lately. must savor every minute of that.

we attempted a apple and pear crumble. not bad for a first attempt. found the recipe a bit too sweet and tweaked it for my own recipe collection. in fact, i tweaked it quite a bit and the new recipe is almost totally my own.

there we were, the both of us in the kitchen, measuring and cutting and mixing and all. it was kinda fun. luckily the recipe was quite easy.


Saturday, April 15, 2006

Easter Sunday

i normally go vegetarian on maundy thursday, good friday and holy saturday. i boo boo-ed on good friday. i forgot and accidentally snacked on some dried squid. i mean it's no big deal. not a big huge sin or anything like that. no moral or religious police is gonna cuff me up for that. i forgot. i only remembered that i ate the squid after my dinner of potatoes and peas.



Tuesday, April 11, 2006

i am what i am

I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook
Or the ovation
It's my world
That I want to have a little pride
My world
And it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a dam
Till I can say
I am what I am

I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not see things from a different angle
Your life is a shame
Till you can shout out I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am I am I am good
I am I am I am strong
I am I am I am worthy
I am I am I belong

I am

I am

Who whoooo etc.
I am

I am I am I am useful
I am I am I am true
I am I am somebody
I am as good as you

Yes I am

Sunday, April 09, 2006

a little time for them

this morning we went to the cheras christian cemetery to say hello to some of our departed loved ones. my hubsterman wanted to go coz it was his late grandpa's birthday a few days ago.

there were quite a number of people there visiting their loved ones too, comparatively to the other times that we went where there barely was anyone else around (saved for all souls' day and christmas, of course).

we first stopped by at my grandfather's. i was his favourite grandchild. he's very creative and when i was young he used to make little drawings of me in my many childhood moments on small pieces of cardboard (he was a lampshade and rattan goods maker). these drawings depict me in happy, as well as sad or annoyed times of my childhood in his shop. perhaps one day i'll scan and post them here.

then we moved on to my grandma and aunts' (both my aunts share a grave, my uncle's wife who was cremated and buried with my little aunt joan). their graves were separated by a little english girl's who died when she was still very young. their graves are framed by two frangipani trees which forever rain down beautiful white flowers on them. i've never met my grandma or my aunt joan. my grandma passed on when my mom was still a young girl, and my aunt joan never made it to her first birthday. my uncle's very petite late wife drowned when she was trying to save my cousin jason who could barely swim (she could barely swim herself) in a clubhouse pool. where were the lifeguards? dunno. not there.

next was great-granny juliet's grave. after my grandma died, my mom was taken care of by my great-granny. i've never met her as well, she died before i was born. she was a nyonya lady who wears kebayas and sarong. my dad loved her to bits as well. i've always enjoyed the stories they tell me of great-granny juliet.

my husband's grandfather passed away in the ripe old age of 90 some years back. they used to call him grandpa "who". in his later years, he was hard of hearing and he'll ask "who??" as to acertain who was talking to him at that time. there was once when my brother-in-law joshua came home at night(grandpa was staying with them) and called for grandpa to open the gate. grandpa peered out the doorway and ask, "who?" my brother-in-law replied, "joshua". grandpa said, "oh, joshua's not in" and he closed the door!

my hubsterman's grandpa was the last of our combined clan that we visited in cheras christian cemetery. everyone of them had some stories i could share with you, everyone of them lived on, either in the memories we carry in our hearts or in the tales that we very so often hear in our families' stories.

lit some candles, placed some flowers and spent a lil time with them.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

panic manic

me thinks me is suffering from depression.

high stress levels
incessant worrying over the most minute matters
unidentified fears
emotional tightness in the chest
concentration problems
lack of interests in most things

basically the feeling of being in doldrums all the time.

i've had bad emotional periods in my life before, but this time i just can't seem to pull myself out of it. i've always been strong enough a person to get out of a slump, but this time...

sometimes i feel like i need a good cry, a real bigtime bawl to release all the tension inside. but the negative emotions seemed all locked up inside and i can't seem to find the key for them.

don't worry, i'm sure i can get out of this one.

I’m not afraid of anything in this world
There’s nothing you can throw at me that I haven’t already heard
I’m just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

I will not forsake the colours that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks, they left you with nothing
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears, through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it’s tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don’t really need now, my, oh my

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep
I wasn’t jumping, for me it was a fall
It’s a long way down to nothing at all

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It’s just a moment
This time will pass