Thursday, April 06, 2006

panic manic

me thinks me is suffering from depression.

insomnia
high stress levels
incessant worrying over the most minute matters
unidentified fears
emotional tightness in the chest
lethargy
concentration problems
lack of interests in most things


basically the feeling of being in doldrums all the time.

i've had bad emotional periods in my life before, but this time i just can't seem to pull myself out of it. i've always been strong enough a person to get out of a slump, but this time...

sometimes i feel like i need a good cry, a real bigtime bawl to release all the tension inside. but the negative emotions seemed all locked up inside and i can't seem to find the key for them.

don't worry, i'm sure i can get out of this one.





I’m not afraid of anything in this world
There’s nothing you can throw at me that I haven’t already heard
I’m just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

I will not forsake the colours that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks, they left you with nothing
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears, through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it’s tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don’t really need now, my, oh my

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep
I wasn’t jumping, for me it was a fall
It’s a long way down to nothing at all

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It’s just a moment
This time will pass

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think I'm on the same boat with you...especially the 'incessant worrying over the most minute matters' At least you are able to describe your feelings, I don't even know what's wrong with me...just feel that something is preventing me from enjoying a happy life.
Hope it'll all go away soon...

twohands said...

hello anonymous,

i hear your pain too.

i don't know what's wrong with me either, but i know that all's not well with me. happiness is a rare commodity with me too =(

we've got to find the mental and emotional strength to overcome this, both of us. i have faith in both of us. but i guess just faith itself is not gonna do the job for me this time round.

wishing you well anonymous.

twohands

Junkgirl said...

I'm feeling the same...I don't know if it is depression but I feel bothered. And I think & worry about a lot too...most of which are such small matters that shouldn't matter. I worry and think all day and can't focus on other more important things and people. We need help....but only we can help ourselves.

It's nice to read your blog and browse through your photos, twohands, as I can relate to my own life.

Hope you feel better soon.

Junkgirl

twohands said...

hi junkgirl,

the positive point is that we both know that we are at the end of our tethers and we need to do something about it.

it's very comforting to know that i have your support, and please note that you have my support as well.

been going thru your blog and flickr as well and i must say i thoroughly enjoy both. going thru blogs and flickr has helped me know that there are bigger issues out there in the world, as well as taking my mind off my own worries... sometimes.

hope all's well with you soon

twohands

sherIZAN said...

hope you're out of it darlin'

i can't seem to remember when it started for me... this "worring over lil' ridiculous things". but i'm pretty sure it's not goin' away any time soon.

and what i've learn from this experience is... i guess we've come to an age when HAPPINESS is like a drug and we need a higher dosage of being unsatisfied, depressed and somber just to get a BIGGER hit for JOY & feelin' HAPPY. just to feel the 2 difference.

a sad story... yea, i'm pretty sure it is. what's even sad is... IT"S got a TRUE ring to it.

we'll get through this... again and again

twohands said...

hi there izan,

well, would there come to a point where no hit is ever gonna be BIG enough?

i still feel happiness for others, but when it comes to my own... maybe i gotta look deeper into myself to find some.

i dunno, i've come to a point of, "if you don't like it, fuck it". not a very good attitude to have, i know.

i guess we'll bounce back... someday. and might just bounce right in again.

bounce in, bounce out, bounce in, bounce out, bounce in, bounce out...

bounce. bounce. bounce.