a brother of their hearts

In Memory of Ezri Shahrizan
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

i recently made some new friends on flickr dot com. these two twin sisters, Leen and Leena lost their beloved brother Yang on 10 June 2006. He was a young man of 38 when he passed on due to a heart attack.

My heart goes out to them for their loss, the love they had for their brother and how Yang loved his sisters.

i've taken this tribute from Leen to her brother from her flickr page.

i've also come across Leena's tribute. read it here

In My Fantasy ~ by Leen Lopez


In my fantasy,
There will be no death
Of the ones that I care
And love dearly

In my fantasy
There will be no hatred
Where only love rules
Over jealousy or animosity

In my fantasy
There will be no debt
Where I slave myself
To get the bills paid

In my fantasy
My siblings will get along
Where we tell one another
How much they mean to us

In my fantasy
There won’t be a divorce
Where all couples
Get along exceptionally

In my fantasy
The greed never existed
To even be thought of
And everybody’s content

In my fantasy
Never once have I forgotten
To tell everyone who matters
Of how much I love them

In my fantasy
Papa’s still alive
Bird hunting on weekends
Maybe he’d take Ryan too

In my fantasy
Mama’s still shopping
Tirelessly and impatiently
To see her smile of pleased

In my fantasy
Yang would be on the phone
Talking to my son
His sneer at the story of Ryan

But then again
This is all a fantasy
If only I could
Turn back the clock
There won’t be any demise
I’d tell them tirelessly
Of how much I love them

But then again
This is what is call life
Everyone will go one day
But for all who’s still living
To remember that
This so called life
Is just way too short

mojo with paco

well after over a monh of searching and choosing and thinking, i decided to name my dSLR OJO. Ojo means 'eye' in spanish. i named my nikon slr 'cyclops' and i wanted to name my dslr 'cyclops' in spanish, but apparently there's no direct translation. in the beginning i wanted to name him 'montana' but somehow, it didn't really fit.

but after more thinking, i don't think the name Ojo really fits. i wanted a real name, and a name with meaning. i looked and searched some more, and one name stood out. PACO. it's a real name, and it means bald eagle, or a free man. i love the animal it represents, and need i say more about a free man? Paco. Paco. even feels good to have the word rolling off my tongue.

security clothes

you know how it is like that small children (and some adults) have security blankets or "bantal busuk", this is about my 'security clothes', clothes which i love so much that i do not throw away even when they are faded and old and almost torn.

1. my slinky navy blue drawstrings. i've had this for more than 10 years and i've mended it at least twice. still have them and use them occasionally. still looks almost brand new

2. blue and white striped bodysuit. had it in the early 90s. have finally discarded it since it has gone way out of shape.

3. levis 501s. had this pair for nine years. it's now very worn at the butt and thigh areas. tearing at the knees. i've got new levis 501s but this one holds a very dear place in my heart.

4. sleeveless black blouse. this one is almost like a vest. V necked, buttons down the front and has that little tie thingies at the back. it was supposed to be dry cleaned, but my mom threw it in the wash after the first time i wore it. it shrunk. still wearable, but became very form fitting and i can't use it the moment i put on more than a couple of pounds. finally threw it out when it almost disintergrated.

5. my blue evisu baby T. this one is about two years old. still pretty ok. but i guess it's gonna be with me for a looooonng time to come.

6. denim coloured fitting bodice flared skirt summer dress. had this when i was in college. got me loads of dates. imagine a 18 year old bearing her shoulders in a dress that hugs her boobies, waist and hip, and flares out in a flirty skirt. got the picture?

7. my ever faithful green checked sarong. i wear sarong and men's singlet to bed. for those of you in the know, when it comes to sarongs, the longer you have them, the more worn and comfortable they become. my green sarong has a big gaping hole. i hide this hole by folding the front of my sarong over it. and yes, i still use it.

8. which brings me to my renoma men's singlet. this is the ribbed white type and i've had it for about nine years. it's got little holes but it's still my favourite.

insomniac hates chronic hoarders

what kind of hoarders do i hate? all hoarders actually. but at the moment i hate bandwidth hoarders.

i couldn't sleep... yes, again. i decided get my butt out of bed and go on the net. it was fine when i logged on at 5.15 am, but it just got bad at about 6ish. this seems to be the case around this time of the day. i'm guessing it's these idiotic schoolkids from the morning session or some college or uni stu-pids. why do i suspect these fools? well, the timing. the hoggers will clog up the port early in the morning (probably just before they leave for school), and in the afternoon just before 2pm and in the evenings. oh yeah, also late at nite in the weekends and eve of public holidays and schoolbreak periods. makes sense?

especially with all the downloading that youngsters do nowadays, these freaking assholes hog up all the bandwidth. moreover, the internet providers here are another bunch of hopeless assholes.

just had to vent.

*note - the connection seemed to have improved slightly now. why? i guess it's because those no-parent-to-teach-them-hoarding-is-bad group of ninnies are off to school already. timecheck. it's 7.19am